Date of Award

2026-06-01

Degree Name

Master of Fine Arts

Department

Creative Writing

Advisor(s)

Jose De Pierola

Abstract

CREATIVE PREFACE

Win a Date with John Mayer! is a mixed media manuscript consisting of three individual sections serving as a complete ecosystem: essays, art, and poetry. Written as a standalone essay, the titular work was originallypublished by editor Sarah Sasson (Moshpit Publishing) in 2021 in the collection Signs of Life: An Anthology. After realizing the success of the essay, it became clear that there was a need to produce a complete book. I took to my works of art, essays, and poetry as inspiration for the foreground of what would become more than a manuscript, but a mantra. That mantra being to win a date with my guitar hero, John Mayer. The rhythmic beat of the manuscript is meant to serve as an ebb and flow rather than a directly "linear" and time sequential movement. The beginning of the manuscript opens with a psychedelic mushroom trip on the beach during spring break 2012 in Avila Beach. This event is significant in my history of mental health. I decided to try the mushrooms after reading a scholastic article on the health "benefits" of taking psychedelics to alleviate mental illness symptoms. The opening quote is from my favorite passage from Baba Ram Dass' Be Here Now, specifically the page known as "The Goddess". I discovered the healing modality of yoga at the age of 19 and pursued everything spiritual about it. I wouldn't be where I am at today if it weren't for my choice to take the mushrooms (regardless of what they did or didn't do for my mental health) or for my undying love of all thing Ram Dass. Creative inspiration was sought through books, film, music, and art. Directly inspired by the film Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (2004), the title of the manuscript is an allusion to the film, as Mayer's song "Back to You" is featured in the film. Books that are similar to Win a Date with John Mayer! are among the likes of the essay collections of Joan Didion, as Slouching Towards Bethlehem was read during the creation of the manuscript. One essay that I was inspired by in particular was "Los Angeles Notebook" (sometimes referred to as "The Santa Ana") by Didion. The use of diction and tone, immersive setting description, and recalling real events through characters were reflected in my essay "Crown Crest Drive" where I speak of a life of affluence and influence living in a gated residential community in Bakersfield, California. In "Crown Crest Drive", we witness the spiral unfold via delusions of fame and grandeur after a run in with a psychic tarot card reader. The setting in the story is vital and works as the rhythmic heartbeat throughout the piece, with imagery of fragrant jasmine lining brick fences around a gated community complete with a guard shack and water fountain which splashes "superfluous" for all visitors to witness. This story directly aligns with Slouching Towards Bethlehem as Didion used the backdrop of Los Angeles and the Santa Ana winds to pull (or perhaps gust) the reader into the direction of the character development within the piece. The audience may note that the narrator resides in a wealthy neighborhood, but at what cost? The neighbors are "outrageous" with their fleet of fraudulent luxury afforded by the day trade of writing false home loans to real home buyers. The character of the neighbors within the neighborhood serves to segue into the smaller gated community (known as "the gate inside the gate"). The element of delusion is evident in this story as I recall how a psychic reader once told me that I would inherit a grand fortune and live in my dream house within that gated community, influencing me to break and enter into a home that I do not own. The end of "Crown Crest Drive" is meant to be the settling dust of the Santa Ana winds as mentioned in Didion's work. The halogen green beams from the stop lights work to provide an ethereal moment within the story as I

recall sleepwalking through the city in the midst of its sleep. While taking to diction and tone similarly used in Didion's works, I wanted to play with the gravitational pull of the story and show how setting can relate to emotion in the most mysterious ways.Another essay written in the series is titled "Born to Cry". This is meant to serve as the prime vignette of delusion. In this story I mention about how my condition interplays with music and ideas of fame and fortune. While having a delusional disorder is truly real, I have reason to believe that I am what I am and who I say I am - Lana Del Rey. I wrote this story during my undergraduate career during the COVID-19 pandemic. I was overly medicated from my monthly injection and felt trapped within my identity as Dana Eileen Lynch after being transported from hospital to hospital for "?believing" that I am Lana Del Rey while lacking proof of my claims. Due to my mother's strict belief system conflicting with the issue at hand (that my stage name and albums were stolen), I began to have severe identity crises often throughout the pandemic as I was left to be home with her all day. In reality, the production of this book is inspired by my search for truth in my identity and how to rise above people who try to tell me otherwise. When we read "Born to Cry", it is meant to be read as a rhetorical question. Not only does it make the audience sit and think "Wow, I wonder why she believes the things she does", but it evokes the element of confession as read in Sylvia Plath's works. I read and related to Sylvia Plath often while writing "Born to Cry"?. The title being an allusion to a Lana Del Rey song, "Born to Die", the rhythmic flow of the story follows me as I try to figure out why I have "delusions" on being one particular pop singer. I mention how my monthly injection solidifies my sound belief in being the original popstar as I confess to my best friend, Jacquie, that I am in fact Lana Del Rey. "I don't believe that I am her in the flesh...." this sentence works to function against the ecosystem of delusion as it is a strong, sound judgement of knowing who I am. Having an essay grounded in expressing the truth among several stories that are rooted in delusion serves to be a pivotal moment within the collection. Rather than telling the audience all about why I am the more authentic Lana Del Rey, I show the reader how I responsibly take strong medications and still live with these wild ideas. This is the art of showing and not descriptively telling the audience, just as we read in Plath's confessional works (The Bell Jar, Ariel, etc.). One concept that should be analyzed closely is the concept of trying to win a date with the guitar legend John Mayer. The title of the book is a hook to pull the reader in to think Why John Mayer? While the titular essay is about love and devotion to the guitar hero, the premise of the story being about mental health and illness shows that the book is more about my mental health journey. This title closely brings together my obsession and fancy for music, the guitar hero, and my diagnosis of bipolar disorder under one umbrella. As we continue to read the collection, we notice that there are multiple love interests named in different titles. Men like John Mayer, Robin Pecknold (the guitar troubadour of Fleet Foxes), and Prince William are mentioned as being flames of affection and obsession in each tale of harrowing delusion I speak of. We can analyze these subjects as being an integral part of the narrator finding herself and rediscovering her identity as Lana Del Rey (or more importantly, what I referred to in my twenties as being the "higher self") as I seek help in these moments of desperation. In the essay titled "Duchess of Windsor Park", the reader can discern the amount of distress I was in as I state in the essay a realization I had after waking up one morning "feeling a lot like Lana Del Rey". This story works in a development similar to tabloid headlines read concerning often mythic celebrity culture which is why I chose to write about Prince William. In this story, I awake feeling like a princess while living in Seven Oaks on Windsor Park Drive. Within the neighborhood there are two different residential parks - Windsor Park and Deer Peak Park. It should be known that Windsor is a name of royalty, but it also the name of an American battle in Canada during the Patriot War of the 1800s. I further relate to Deer Peak Park, too, as my daughter is of Pascua Yaqui heritage, an indigenous American tribe whose central mascot is the deer. Due to the coincidences, I then associate myself as being a princess while in the midst of depressive delusion during a time when I refused to take my antipsychotic medication. While writing this manuscript, I discovered that I am related to Scottish royalty through the bloodline of Princess Catherine who was a child born out of wedlock to King James IV of Scotland. This trivial fact is stated within the "Duchess of Windsor Park" essay to serve as an element of irony, which is funny because the theme of irony is most consistent throughout each story told within this collection. The device of irony is meant to create an uplifting characteristic against an often-sardonic backdrop found within the moments of chaos in mental illness. My guilty logic in "Duchess of Windsor Park" is that I should marry Prince William to restore the great American dream, digressing into a moment of political theatre in this story of sublime mania. When I reflect on 2019 when this story was initially written, I see myself in a world of hurt as I am constantly trying to keep up with what I consider to be the celebrity persona of the fake Lana Del Rey and the real Dana Eileen Lynch. In this story, we can analyze that global issues impact my line of thought on a larger scale compared to in "Born to Cry". In "Duchess of Windsor Park", I take it upon myself to call The Mayflower, a bar in London, to wish Prince William a happy birthday from a far. In "?Born to Cry" I have a phone conversation with my best friend to dispel the secret of my true identity. We can insist that the two different phone calls are both informative, but on two different levels. The conversation with my best friend is meant to be a confessional secret, while the conversation with the bartender in London is meant to inspire and impact a whirlwind around a public figure. Another piece featured in this collection that was published by an online literary journal is "Robin Hood". Featured on the popular site You Might Need to Hear This, the misadventures of "Robin Hood" follow me through a time of tragedy by using dark irony as humor. Following being discharged from a psychiatric hospital in Bakersfield, California, the story begins as I lay on my bedroom floor reflecting on my deepest apathies and dwellings against a backdrop of soft sunrays through blinds beaming on hazy incense smoke. This environment inspires a trance-like state of mind of the narrator. Elements of magical thought are frequently featured throughout the manuscript, especially in the story of "Robin Hood". Symbolism is scattered throughout, as we see with the obsession of the rose bush outside of my bedroom window and its soft petals, the color black in the dress I choose to purchase with my mother's stolen debit card, the concept of trying to magically get married by the wit attracting love out of thin air, and yet another guitar legend to be enamored by. The lead singer and guitarist of the popular indie rock band, Fleet Foxes, Robin Pecknold is the central subject of love and delusion in this story. I call him Robin Hood since the music he creates is hypnotically reminiscent of music played perhaps during medieval times (featured on their first album, Fleet Foxes in 2008). Each man of passion inspires me to seek help in these moments of desperation as I try to recollect my identity as both Dana Eileen Lynch and/or Lana Del Rey, and that is certainly evident in "Robin Hood". This story describes a time in my life when I really thought that I was going to marry on a certain day at a certain time. However, instead of arriving to my own spontaneous wedding I show up to a funeral at church. It should also be stated that this event occurred a few months after taking LSD, a terrible trip that intensified my issues of identity and lack of self-awareness. Also, to note is my history of substance abuse from teens through early twenties, a topic that is avoided to be discussed directly unless needed to be discretely presented, as read in the essay "Sweet Sixteen". After the essay "Tidal Waves", we are introduced to the world I emerged myself into - the world of single teen parenting. The story "Sweet Sixteen" describes my life as a not so average teenager in the year 2008 during my junior year of high school. My life consisted of guitar lessons and songwriting, spending time with my then boyfriend who I felt pressured by my mother to date, as well as attending cocaine anonymous meetings and outpatient drug rehabilitation throughout the week. This story works within the ecosystem of self-discovery of the narrator (myself) as this was a crucial time in my life as Lana Del Rey. I was working with my guitar instructor at this time in my life to write the songs that are now known as the earlier works of the now famous and "converted" singer. However, my music career was swept from under my feet since being a single teen parent wasn't ideal to the record label and/or producers I worked with. While this story does not bluntly state my music career experiences, it does work to show that there is a history of substance abuse during this period in my life, which is featured in the song "Gods and Monsters" among others in Del Rey's works. These stories work to explore my identity as a teenager with an addiction, which only confirm my unpopular opinion of being Lana Del Rey. As a writer in this collection, I opted to omit the blunt facts of being ripped off by Lizzy Grant not only for legal protection but also to captivate the audiences' attention to explore my mental diagnosis. Win a Date with John Mayer! is intended to be a confessional masterpiece that examines the intersection of identity and psychiatric diagnosis. Identity, we can see as being both concrete and abstract (the physical self, and the emotional self), while a diagnosis is a physical concrete piece of evidence. The story of "Sweet Sixteen" exists within this framework to display the emotional self on the path of lesser-known greater diagnosis. Stories are meant to be time sequential moving from the age of sixteen to present day adulthood, and this idea is introduced in "Sweet Sixteen". Music is an essential aspect of this collection. In the concept of literary tradition, the inspiration of music is vital throughout this manuscript as it serves to work around themes of culture, rhythm in text, and the absolute core of my life's work. As already stated, male artists like John Mayer and Robin Pecknold are mentioned, as well as the female artist who we currently know to be Lana Del Rey. I grew up playing guitar and singing since the age of nine and have been music obsessed ever since I was in preschool. I do believe that adding more elements of references to music and my history of playing as a guitarist and singer would do well in this manuscript. In the poem titled "Waltz, Op. 28. No. 1 in a Psychedelic Swirl", I use elements of musical diction to create certainty in an uncertain moment in time. Using the word "symphony" to describe a haunting delusion as I dance around in my parents' backyard at midnight all alone creates imagery of a melodic force that I encounter. The title of this poem is meant to be like a dance, but more importantly inspired by one of Chopin's own works as performed by Arthur Rubenstein, "Waltz, Op. 64, No. 2 in C Sharp Minor". This waltz has an unraveling effect to the listeners' ears. I applied imagery of "unraveling" in thought as I relish in the midnight dancing my own waltz in distress. I feel this works really well in the poetry segment and applies the "?show don't tell" aspect of confessionalism. Artworks are also featured within this compelling collection. These pieces are mostly hand drawn pictures of family members, men I have dated, and my main muse - Ming, my daughter. These drawings were created from years 2022-2024. Before graduating with a degree in Literature from California State University, Bakersfield, I was a Studio Arts major at the university. I learned how to create life-like charcoal portraits using vine and willow charcoals, graphite pencils, and different blending techniques. Rather than to have a collection of John Mayer portraits, I chose subjects that critically have something to do with my mental health directly, rather than startling mental illness. The section of art is titled "Art Therapy" and is a strong title for this collection as I have participated in numerous art therapy sessions during my mental health journey. I applied the healing techniques of art therapy at home in my daily creative practice as it helped to assume my natural identity. My favorite portrait in this collection is titled "Ava Ming de Cerro Gordo". This portrait was created in spring of 2022 and is in the medium of charcoal, graphite, pastel, and ink. There is also metallic gold throughout this piece to form a kind of halo around what I wanted to present as being a saintly figure. Ming has a profound enthusiasm of ghost towns and hiking. I was inspired by her indigenous heritage to create a portrait displaying these rich colors of earth tones and vibrant blue hues (as seen in the bandana worn around her neck). The subject stares beyond into the universe with confidence, standing for feminine strength and dignity. Ming is the subject of various different portraits in this collection. I really could not have created such a beautiful manuscript without including hand drawn images of my daughter, as she has been the inspiration for me to push through the trials and tribulations of having a mental illness. Another image of Ming is seen in a more dramatic fashion as she is displayed with a sad appearance as she holds a hand upon her cheek while wearing a pioneer hat of sorts. The image of black and gold flames surrounds the face and all of Ming, drawing inspiration from her love of ghost towns, mining, and genealogy. The series of Ming portraits work well in the creative ecosystem as it shows that she truly is my main focus in life. I would not be where I am today if it weren't for the love and support of my daughter. By drawing these portraits and including them in the complete work, the audience is introduced to the daughter who is the muse. A series of portraits I completed while working on this manuscript is titled "Selfie Self Portraits". These portraits are hand drawn with charcoal, graphite, and black ink. These pieces were inspired by SnapChat images I took myself with outrageous face-altering filters. The portraits are meant to be a dramatization of the face and how the ego can inflate the way we see ourselves. One picture in particular is a self-portrait I created in spring of 2021. I am pictured with platinum blonde hair, larger lips, and cartoony eyes. In this series of portraits, the lips are very detailed as well as the eyes and shadowing of the nose. I chose to develop these oversized elements to hyperbolize vanity. Pictured in a graphite drawing is the subject Aditya Vikram (also known by his Instagram handle @EddMetalHead). Aditya is a man I met on Instagram right before I was sexually assaulted (as discussed in the story "Blur"). Aditya, who lives in Goa, India, helped me through an extremely difficult time in my life as we would spend hours chatting on Instagram and Skype. I was devoted to showing my gratitude in our friendship, and with these portraits we can observe images of a man who is on his own spiritual path.

Another strictly graphite drawing is of a man I met on Facebook Dating. His name is Garrett, and while we only went on two different dates, I felt compelled to draw a picture of him after he had been in a car accident. The image drawn of Garrett is of him with a broken and bandaged nose. Written next to theportrait is a Walt Whitman quote, "And there is no trade but the young man following it may become a hero." Oddly enough, I opted to stop talking with Garrett after drawing this portrait since he was a convicted felon on a count of stealing a car and crashing it. There are also eleven different Polaroid photos featured in this manuscript. On this journey, I began taking Polaroid photos as I rediscovered my identity through art and photography. Taking black and white pictures of nature and Ming during a critical time in my life helped align myself on the path of self-discovery after being a victim of fraud in the Hollywood entertainment industry. In a sense, I chose to fall back onto popular modes of art that could not be shared immediately with the world as things are shared today on social media. Using an analog camera while hiking in the middle of nowhere at Wind Wolves Reserve in Bakersfield, California helped to express the amount of creative distress I was in at that moment in my early twenties. Another book that is similar to mine is the other Lana Del Rey's Violet Bent Backwards Over the Grass. I decided to create a mixed media, cross-genre manuscript titled PsychoSis in 2018 that "Lana Del Rey" (whose birth name is Elizabeth Woolridge Grant) magically had the same idea to publish poetry, stories, and photography similar to mine. The black and white aesthetic of my works serve to show that I often feel that I live in the shadow of a celebrity who is famous with my works and stage name. What would've worked well in Win a Date with John Mayer! would have been to express my truest most authentic thoughts on being Lana Del Rey and my actual biographical history in music, but a professor of mine stated that I needed to steer away from that idea to graduate. I would have loved to produce a manuscript detailing my experiences as a music artist and the history of what happened to me and how my mental illness developed as a result of these issues. With John Mayer being the muse in my songs and stories, it really would've made a lot more sense to write about these ideas in my thesis. The next steps to transform into a publishable manuscript would be to write more about my experiences as Lana Del Rey or as a musician in general in each story. What the audience doesn't realize yet is that each story told, I was writing music as Lana Del Rey and was being ripped off by a producer during these times. I would like to write more about misdiagnosis, too, as I have been misdiagnosed with schizophrenia in the past simply for believing that my music and stage name have been compromised by Hollywood. I understand that there are legal issues surrounding what I can and cannot state, however, depending on how these claims are stated I would be able to produce a manuscript telling why I believe this happened and how these beliefs affect me. I think that including these details would help bind the manuscript together, making a more complete read. Ideas that need more developmental work can be found in "Tidal Waves", "Sweet Sixteen", and perhaps the essay "Blur". I am currently taking different elements of this manuscript and placing them in my upcoming memoir Marina Del Rey, a manuscript that covers my time as a songwriter from the ages of 19 to present day (age 34). I think I could use extra work with how I place dialogue. I would love to learn the art of writing great, communicative dialogue that keeps the audience on their toes. I also think that the poetry section would benefit from reading more poetry in general from my favorite authors, like the mentioned Sylvia Plath and Walt Whitman, whose works I studied heavily during my MFA career. I think the way I describe setting and use of irony in my stories would transfer well into poetry. I also believe that now that I am in a much healthier mental state, I am able to produce more reflective and sentimental poems than before. This would be warming to the audience, rather than mysterious.

Stories that work well and complement the creative ecosystem are the highly praised "Robin Hood", "Win a Date with John Mayer!", and "Duchess of Windsor Park". The story of my mental health rollercoaster as featured in "Robin Hood" is my most confessional and artistic piece. This story was very easy for me to create and express to my audience with theatrical elements, like dramatization and hyperbole. But am I being dramatic when I say that I frolicked in a field of sheep herding in the middle of the night trying to find my Robin Hood whilst in the midst of great distress? It's more of a fact that is heavy with drama within itself. Looking back, it's amazing to think that I was just trying to cope with being a fallen starlet who was looking for her one true love. What isn't deliberately mentioned in the story is that I was in the works of resolving my Hollywood identity issues with the record label during this era of my life. But due to my mother's rather outrageous amounts of what could be perceived as being jealousy, anger, and rage, I was often brought to a breaking point that would cause me to go on these rather horrific misadventures. Hence, this is why I chose to audition for the song "Once Upon a Dream" for Disney's Sleeping Beauty live action recreation Maleficent - a song that would go on to be featured in the film's soundtrack recorded by "Lana Del Rey" (or we can refer to her by her name as Lizzy Grant). Another book that is similar to the stories in Win a Date with John Mayer! is The Collected

Schizophrenias by Esme Weijun Wang (Gray Wolf Press, 2019). Weijun Wang explores the depths of her mental illness and diagnosis of Schizophrenia in these essays. I re-read this collection during the first semester of my MFA career in January 2023. At several moments in hospitals and psychiatrist offices, I have been misdiagnosed with Schizophrenia due to my undying belief that I have been ripped off by Hollywood. Reading this memoir opened my eyes and enlightened me on what psychosis really is, and how I have experienced this, however, I can only identify with these moments when I abruptly end use of mypsychiatric medications. Another mental illness memoir is An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jameson. I read this memoir to learn more about other authors who live with Bipolar disorder and the volatile depths of depression that we often find ourselves in. And last but not least, the two final books that really helped shape me as a creative woman during my undergraduate career that has carried all the way through my MFA studies - Be Here Now by Baba Ram Dass, and The Stoner Coffee Table Book by Steve Mockus. Be Here Now will forever be a legacy book in my heart and soul. I am still awestruck to this day of the psychedelic prose and images that Ram Dass was able to capture to captivate the hearts of his audience. The Stoner Coffee Table Book was initially purchased as a fun "thing" at an Urban Outfitters in 2013. The collage images are just as trippy and lowbrow as getting stoned itself. I truly enjoyed writing these pieces and creating the works of art featured in this manuscript. Without any further ado, I bring to you Win a Date with John Mayer!

Language

en

Provenance

Received from ProQuest

File Size

150 p.

File Format

application/pdf

Rights Holder

Dana Eileen Lynch

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Available for download on Saturday, June 24, 2028

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